Chapter Four - After Dinner

Normally, the entire family gathered after dinner in Viola’s parlor.  Sometimes, Lise spent her time before bed in the paladin’s barracks, but tonight she felt the pull of family.

She had dressed for dinner, in a royal blue silk dress, piling her black hair up on her head, and interlacing it with pearl pins.  

Coming into her mother's parlor, she smelled their dried lavender flowers her mother kept on the table and heard the laughter of the children. 

Her family was gathered in the seating area.   Her niece and nephew, Christopher and Leah, were playing quietly on the rug with blocks. The window casements were open, letting in a soft evening breeze.

 Her father was reading the book she had brought back from the Temple, his reading glasses low on his nose, and Rory and his wife Beatrice were in a deep discussion.

For a moment, a pang of loneliness hit her so hard it took her breath away.  Everyone had someone, and she was alone . . . all alone.  It was a price she had paid, by becoming a paladin knight, and refusing to allow her heart to love.

Her mother looked up from an embroidery hoop. A huge tapestry, featuring a unicorn in mid stride, covered her legs and puddled at her feet.  “Lise!  I’m so glad you could join us.  Come, tell us your latest adventure.”

“Please, Aunt Lisle!” Christopher begged, clutching a lead toy of a paladin knight in his hand.  The boy looked just like their mother, with brown hair and big brown eyes.

She sat down with a smile at the empty loveseat across from her brother and his wife, and the children clambered into her lap. Little Leah gave her kisses and giggled, tucking in beside her.

Her mind thought for a moment before she began telling them about her trip to the Temple.  

“Did you run into any bandits on the way?” Christopher asked, bouncing next to her in his excitement.  

“No, it was a quiet trip. But when I got there, we found some trouble.” She launched into her story, spinning the excitement until everyone was listening intently.  Her words were strung together like pearls, telling the story right up to the crash of the stairwell.

Both children’s eyes were wide and frightened. They clung to her. She felt their little bodies shiver.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to scare you.” She said kindly, looking at their pale faces.

“And then what happened? Did the ghost get you?” Christopher asked, as his sister buried her head in Lisle’s side.

“No, you silly gooses.” She said, tousling his brown hair and kissing Leah on her head.  “I came home with the book.  And let me tell you a secret. Your grandpa is holding it right now in his lap.” 

They both looked at Rordan, and the book he had placed on his lap.  He had been listening, the entire time, intently.  “It’s time for these little ones to get to bed, I think.” He signed.

“Oh, come on.  Tell us one more story.” Leah pleaded, her arms around her aunt’s neck.

“Come now,” gentle Beatrice said, getting up with a smile.  “I’ll put you to bed and read you another book. A book that won’t give you nightmares.”

“I’m going to bed too. It’s been a long day.” Rory said, giving his wife a wink.  She smiled and nodded, before ushering the children out of the parlor.

Lise sat alone, listening to the turning of her father's pages, and the sound of her mother’s bright needle punching through the thick canvas.  It wasn’t often she just sat in quiet contemplation.  Maybe that was what was missing in her life.  

Suddenly, she heard the thump of the book and a rough grumble from her father.   His fingers were already moving, but she caught the end of what he was signing. “ . . . lonely.  I didn’t form the Order of the Fallen, fight a fireworm, and live as a slave for years to have you live life as a spinster.” 

Her mouth fell open and her father’s boldness. She really had no words, but slowly, what she had been feeling came spilling out.  “I’ve dedicated my life to the order. You don’t think I miss a normal life?  I had to hold myself above everyone else for fear they would use my status to gain their own power.  And now I’m thirty-two.  I think my time has passed.”

“Oh, honey.” Her mother said, reaching over and patting her hand. “There is always time for love. Sometimes you just have to be patient.”

“I think I’ve been patient enough!” Lise said, tears spilling down her face. Embarrassed at her emotional outburst, she stood, leaving the room abruptly.  She had intended to go to the barracks tonight, and sleep in her bunk there with the other women, but now she just wanted her room.

She hurried up the tower stairs, her feet flying up the steps.  Her room used to be her mother’s, and she loved the quiet of the tower.  It was a place she found solace.

Once inside, she raised a shaking hand to her neck, unclasping the jeweled necklace, looking at her face in the mirror.  Years of being outside had permanently given her skin a darker color, and she had fine lines at the corner of her eyes and her cheeks.  For a moment, she felt sadness for the girl she had been, so young and full of ideas.

There was a knock on her door, and her mother came in, looking concerned. “Lise, I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?”

“No mother, I guess I was just feeling lonely tonight.  It hit me when I saw Rory and Beatrice and the kids. I’m sorry, I’m just being . . . silly.”

Her mother gave her a hug, wrapping her arms around her tightly. “You’re not silly.  I’m sorry.  It’s about Oliver, isn’t it?”

Her eyes again filled with tears.  When they had been younger, they were inseparable. He had even lived and studied with her and her brother.  Everyone assumed they would marry.  But the years passed, and he became more distant.  He had stopped asking her to walk or out for rides, and now, the only time she saw him was when they worked together. He was always aloof, like a stranger to her.

“Father sent him to follow me, didn’t he?” She said, the thought striking her out of the blue.

“He had hoped you two would take the time to talk and work out your issues.”

“We don’t technically have any issues, because we are not a couple,” she said, twisting her hands and opening up a drawer.  She took out an old letter, one she had kept all these years, and passed it to her mother.

Dearest Lise -

I’m sorry to have to write to you, but it’s the only way to tell you why I’ve drawn away from you.  The hurt is on your face, and must give you my reasons.

I grew up in the Temple, raised by the Master under strict rules.  And even though Rordan has freed us of taking the oath, I have taken it in my heart.  I do not feel like I can serve my God and kingdom, worrying about the danger that may befall you.

We are both holy paladin knights, and we should answer to only God.  I will always love you, Lise. But we must walk our separate paths.

Forever,

Oliver 

Her mother frowned, skimming the letter.  “When did he write this to you?” She asked quietly, handing it back.

“When I was eighteen.” Lise said, tucking the letter away again, and refusing to meet her mother’s eyes. 

“Despite that, you pine for him.  I’m sorry, dear. You’ve been hurting so, all these years.”

“I’ve learned to live with heartache.  That is why I’ve never married.  I know you had hoped, and you were kind enough now to force the issue.  Any other princess would be married away.”

“Your father and I thought that . . . “

“That I was a dedicated paladin knight?” She laughed, a bitter edge to her voice, “Oh, I am.  But I would have given it all up for Oliver. But he took that choice away.”

“I think you need to tell him how you feel. How you have felt all these years.”  Her mother said, lifting a wrinkled hand and brushing her daughter’s hair tenderly.

“Oh mother, how?  How to tell the man I love I can’t live without him?”  Lise cried, letting her torment of tears fall as her mother patted her back soothingly and mumbled words of kindness and encouragement.

“Go to him tonight, and tell him how you feel, before you lose courage and the words you need disappear.” Viola encouraged, a look of sadness on her face.

***

Lise splashed cold water on her face and grabbed her cloak.  She smoothed her hands over her blue dress. She would go to him dressed as a woman for a change, instead of paladin knight.

Her heart already felt lighter, and she remembered Oliver had duty in the city this evening.  She was familiar with the route and quickly passed through the gates. She waved to Susana Torn, who was talking with a knight near the stables.

“Susana!  I heard you were back!” Lise greeted her warmly.

“And where are you going, dressed to the nines and without a sword?” Susana asked, raising an eyebrow.  Susana had bright red hair like her father, and like her father, she took no guff from anyone.  Being the daughter of the knight commander gave her a bit of leeway, and she used every inch of that to do what she wanted, when she wanted.

“Nowhere important, but don’t worry, Susana. I can take care of myself,” Lise said with a laugh as she passed by.

“Princess, of that I have no doubt,” Susana said with a half grin on her lips and then turned her attention back to the conversation she was engaged in.

Lise slipped out of the keep's gate, and then traced the route that the patrol took backwards.  The lamplighter was out in the early evening, his ladder on his shoulder, lighting the globes with his flint and steel.

The city shops were closing for the day, shopkeepers were pulling their shutters closed, and turning their shop signs to closed.  But on almost every street corner, the neighborhood taverns were coming to life.  People slipping inside after a hard day’s look.  By the end of the night, the back alleys would smell of piss, and the city morgue would have a few more dead bodies to bury in the paupers' graves.

And then she saw him, coming down the street with a paladin named Patrick, laughing at some joke, his blond hair brushed back from his face, and his blue eyes sparkling.  

And then he caught sight of her, and his face fell. 

She stopped in her tracks, a lump rising in their throat.  This was a foolish errand.  Feeling better, she whirled, intending to run back home.  

Her steps quickened as she walked, with her head down, barely looking where she was going.  She nearly ran into a washerwoman, delivering fresh clothes from her line. “Sorry, sorry.’’ she said, eager to get away.

Then she felt a firm hand grab her elbow, whirling her around.  She refused to meet his eyes, her cheeks burning with embarrassment.  “Lise?” He asked, his face searching.  “Is something the matter?  You came searching for me?”

“I . . . I . . . I . . .” Her mouth struggled to form a coherent thought.

The knight he had been patrolling with stopping, and then looked at Oliver curiously. “Oliver, Should I sign you off shift when I get back to the castle?”  

“Please do, Patrick.” Oliver said, without taking his blue eyes off of hers.  The paladin went on his way, and Oliver turned and pulled her down the street.

“Where are we going?” She asked, bewildered by this sudden turn of events.

“Follow me,” He demanded, pulling her along.  He ducked down a side street, and then quickly into a shaded courtyard surrounded by iron fencing.  He pushed open the gate and then walked inside.

It was like a little secret garden here, under the spreading arms of a large elm tree.  The sweet smell of summer flowers hung in the air.  

A stone fountain, carved into the shape of an angel, stood in the middle.  In the gathering dusk, she could just make out its shape.  

He gestured towards the bench, nearly hidden by the trunk of the tree. 

Without a word, she sat, clearing her hands together.

“You look lovely this evening.” He said sitting next to her.  Their legs touched, and she could feel the hard edge of his steel thigh guards 

She blinked. That’s not what she expected him to say.  Taking a deep breath, she took his hand in hers. “I had to see you.  I was feeling so lonely earlier.”

He sighed and kissed her hand, turning it over in his. “Dean asked me to go with you on the mission. Maybe we should talk before we go.”

She sat still for a moment, and then said in a small voice, “Do you ever wonder if we made the right choice?”

He nodded slowly, “But we both have served our god and kingdom well.”

“But at what cost?” She said, lowering her head.  Her black hair had come loose from its hairpins, and spilled down the sides, hiding her face.  “We are forever alone.”

She felt his fingers on her chin, lifting it up, and suddenly his lips were on hers, parting them with his tongue.  Deeply, he kissed her with an intensity and force that took her breath away. His hands on her cheeks slowly moved down her neck, then her waist, pulling her close.

He broke the kiss but rested his head on her neck.  She realized with a start that her skin was wet.  Was he crying?  She dared not move, instead, resting her own head on his shoulder, smelling his musky scent of fire, sweat, and iron.

Finally, he broke free, wiping his eyes and laughing, “Don’t tell Patrick I was crying, would you?”

She smiled at him hesitantly, “Oliver, what was that?”

“I don’t think you know how much I’ve been tormented all these years, working with you.  I’ve tried to stay away, to go on trips to Duvall or over the sea.  Working as a diplomat, just to stay away from you.”

She laughed, thinking of how few times she had seen him since they finished training.

“So many times when I’ve returned, I thought, today is going to be the day I go to Lise, and tell her I love her. But then you would be gone, on our own mission, or I would see you with your family, and I knew I had to let you live your life.”

Lise sat in silence, feeling her momentary happiness slipping away. “Oliver, when you sent me that letter, my heart was broken.  I threw myself into the knighthood, training and learning to be the best knight I could be.  That’s why I went to the Temple, alone.  I wanted the books for myself.  Now, it looks like I’ve caused more trouble than it’s worth for old books, and Dean is sending us all on a mission to get more.”

“Lise, I never knew you as a troublemaker,” Oliver said with a grin.

“Well, I guess there’s always a first for everything,” she said with a laugh.

He kissed her again, more tenderly this time, and she felt like her heart would swell open from happiness.  “I’m sorry.  So sorry. We have this mission coming up, and we will have to work together.  We are leaving in two days' time, but when we get back . . . “

Then, the church bells in the city tolled. Seven times they rang out.  “I like that idea.” She said with a smile. “It’s getting dark. We should go home. I didn’t bring a sword.”

He threw his head back and laughed, “A first for you.”  And then he filled his hand with light, and they walked back to the castle, talking about the upcoming mission to the Temple.